I have been plagued by bad dreams and nightmares since I was about 10. That's when they were so bad I began to actually pay attention. I can't pinpoint exactly what happened to trigger the dreams, all I know is that they have been horrible since then. Some are awful, some are ok, but all have been nightmares. When I saw A Nightmare On Elm Street, I was terrified. I was also given a bit of hope. With every dream I had, I tried to teach myself to control them.After about a year or so, while the dreams were still horrible, I was no longer at their mercy. I was able to control what I did and the direction the dreams would take. I came to later find out this was called lucid dreaming.
That was the good news. The bad news was I was focusing more on the dreams then I was on my waking life. I would actually go through cycles. A period of 6 to 8 months would be nothing but god awful dreams. They were so bad that I would try to not sleep at all. As anyone that has not slept for days can tell you, this was not good. Hallucinations would set in, and it got to the point where I could no longer tell the difference between my waking life and my dreams. During the day, I could have a normal conversation surrounded by friends or family, and at night, my dreams would find me in the same situation, in the same conversation, only it would take a drastic turn somewhere and send me in a completely different direction.
After that, exhaustion would set in, and I would spend the next 6 or so months sleeping whenever I could. I would skip school for the sake of sleeping. Again, the dreams would take over and I was unable to separate dreams from reality.
As years went by, I learned to deal with them. Either I would forget as soon as I awoke, only to have something trigger the dream and it would all come back. Or I would remember every detail as soon as I woke up. I tried keeping a dream journal, but most of the dreams I only wanted to forget so I stopped writing about them.
Having gotten so good at lucid dreaming I stopped fearing the dreams as much. I also began to have what I called "Dream Friends". As wonky as it sounds, over a span of 4 years or so, I had about 5 dreams that had the same group of people. They were not real life friends of mine, and I remember quite vividly the "night" I met them. I was in a different city and I was alone. It was fairly dark and I was walking along a corridor. It was covered with vines and I was admiring the beauty of the walls when a group of guys came around the corner. I said hello, but they eyed me rather suspiciously. After awkward introductions, they showed me a part of the wall that had a secret latch. I was invited in and the conversations that followed were like an exchange between long lost friends. In the span of 4 or 5 years, the dreams were never the same, but when I did meet them again, it was as if we were all aware of the time that had passed and we spent a while always catching up. I met their girlfriends, worked on their cars, or just hung out in the secret wall. It's been about 12 years since I last dreamt of them, and I do sometimes wonder how they are...Hope one day to see them again.
Anyway, I read somewhere that lucid dreaming, and confusing your waking life with your dream state can actually lead to schizophrenia if not properly dealt with. Hopefully, I dealt with it enough to one day not wake up in a mental institution and having my whole life turn out to be a dream. Wouldn't THAT be a mind fuck?!!
I decided to try and keep a dream journal again, as the dreams have gotten pretty bad again.
People who mean well have all sorts of advice, and quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing it. Take it from someone who has been dreaming this shit just about her whole life: you wouldn't kill to have dreams as vivid as mine, or as fucked up as mine. There are only so many ways you can experience and see your friends and family die before it stops being "neat".
Anyway, try not to judge me too harshly.
They're just dreams, right?...
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